Thursday, September 29, 2011

Final Fantasy VII is a Shitpile, or Not: Versus!

Few games have inspired such passionate feelings as Final Fantasy 7.  It has sparked debate 
endlessly since it's release more than a decade ago.  In our first Versus feature, Zack Keyes and Rock offer up their thoughts, in what is surely to be a rousing back and forth!  Read on and have your nostalgia validated! Or crushed... Zack is in green, Rock is in blue.

The day is September 7th 1997, and one of the greatest RPG's ever made is released in North America. Final Fantasy 7 had some of the best characters and music we have ever experienced, and to this day cosplayers and music lovers alike frolic in the awesomeness that is FF7. This was one of the deepest games ever released. It had gambling, minigames galore, chocobo racing and breeding, and the game is essentially unbeatable unless you put in 40+ hours, and that's if you're completely skipping all the extras! I don't believe there is anything negative that you can say about this game, and I slap you with the white gloves I am typing this with in an open challenge to prove me wrong!

September 7th, 1997: one of the most over-rated games in history is released. For the first time ever, legions of people played their first JRPG, and their judgment would be forever altered. Gamers had one of the most grating, emo, heroes dropped on them, and graphics that look like a bear shit on a disc, then ate it and shit it out. That's two kinds of shit there! When Zack says a game is deep, what he means is long. Terribly, soul-crushingly long, with very little point to its length other than because that's what the thing for JRPGs to do back then. The mini-games just add fluff for fluff's sake, and good luck finding out why the hell you should even breed ANY different kind of chocobo without a strategy guide! The music is wonderful, though. Bring it!

Over-Rated! Is that why over 10 MILLION copies have been sold of one of the greatest RPG's ever released. I will grant you that the graphics look horribly outdated by today's standards, but at the time they were first gazed upon, it was a godsend that you could see an environment with actual details, not to mention delicious CG cutscenes that could rend your palette in half! I'm sorry if you dislike a game actually requiring some of your oh-so-precious time, but many would argue that the length of FF7 was one of the greatest parts of the game. You actually had to be INVESTED in the characters who were awesome, and if you disagree about awesome characters, I challenge you to go to a comic/video game convention and not see at least 1 Cloud cosplayer, and thats 14 years after its release. Suck on that!

Want to know what else is REALLY popular, but also happens to be a massive shitpile? The Transformers movies. Just saying, many units sold does NOT equal quality! You're right, the pre-rendered backgrounds looked awesome. The CG cutscenes were incredible! Know what though? No matter how rosy your nostalgia-vision is, those in-game character models look like the artist had a stroke and died halfway through the game's production, and the rest of the staff decided not to touch his designs out of respect for his memory. I don't mind a game taking up a lot of time, hell, I've dumped almost 150 hours into Oblivion! Want to know why? It has nothing to do with graphics or storyline. It's because I KNEW that I had a clear direction that the game was giving me, and I KNEW that it would be worth it! Tell me that all those hours spent grinding in the crashed Gelnika Sub were fun, because I've got some drying paint that you'd just LOVE to watch!  I became emotionally invested in not a single character. Not even Aerith when she died. Why? Because the game did such an awkward job of developing her's and Cloud's relationship. When she died, the strongest feeling I had was that of inconvenience, because my main magic user was dead. And I'll only just mention that Aerith's death becomes more and more meaningless as time goes on because THEY KEEP ON USING HER IN OTHER GAMES!!!!!

How have you avoided any form of nostalgia? Do you enjoy remastered music tracks? How about Digitally remastered classic movies?? Nostalgia is part of being a Gamer! From your first play through of Super Mario Brothers to the latest and greatest games you've played, it's in our blood! Maybe nostalgia does play a big part in my love for Final Fantasy 7, but whats wrong with that?! It was the Gateway RPG for many Americans and encouraged millions to go and try out some of the older classics like, Chrono Trigger and Earthbound! Final Fantasy 7 could be the greatest game ever based on that achievement alone. Factor in a great story, awe-inspiring longevity, AND some of the best video game music EVAR, and that just might have you agreeing that Final Fantasy 7 is by FAR the BEST Game ever! 

P.S. oh... and I hated Oblivion.

I'm not saying that I've completely avoided nostalgia. As anyone who's listened to KGB Radio Episode 1 can attest, I love Baldur's Gate! Even though that is easily one of my favorite games, you'll never hear me say "BG is teh bestest game evar!!1!one!" Why? Because it isn't.  Even though I have a great deal of nostalgia for that game, I can easily recognize that game's failings, and it's simply not the best.  People who get so crazy about FF7 remind me of children. Children who just saw their firstest movie in theaters, and boy golly is it great!  Know that that movie was?  Transformers.  And you know what? Those kids are wrong, they just don't know it yet....   The music is amazing though.

P.S. oh... and Oblivion hates you

 Zack Keyes believes slow and steady wins the race.

  Rock hates all the things Zack loves.

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Oh, and FF9 is better


  1. i lost my shit at three different points in this article! great stuff!!!1one!

  2. knew that FF9 quip would get you....... glad you liked it Chris!

  3. The game is terrible. I have no problem with the art direction (aside from the standard it apparently set), I had a problem with the fact that the game was lazy, boring, and a let down for a Final Fantasy fan who bought a PlayStation specifically for this game.

  4. "This was one of the deepest games ever released. It had gambling, minigames galore, chocobo racing and breeding, and the game is essentially unbeatable unless you put in 40+ hours, and that's if you're completely skipping all the extras!"

    I wouldn't call this "depth." I'd call it schizophrenia.

  5. D. Bethel- pretty much what i would have said, if i didn't have to write a big-ass feature....