Another week, another installment of OH GOD WHY?! In which I...aw hell, let's get this over with. This week's piece of horse shit is Fight Club, for the PS2.
Released to theaters in 1999, Fight Club the film turned out to be kind of a dud, and it was only when it was released on VHS and DVD that Fight Club turned into the cult classic that it is today. I’m not lying or exaggerating that I watched Fight Club every day of the summer of 2005, as a way to motivate myself to get ripped. I ended up not gaining any muscle and dropping down to about 140 lbs and looking like a lesbian, or Justin Beiber, whichever is funnier. It turns out both Brad Pitt and Ed Norton were probably on HGH and super-protein diets for the movie, and HGH is surprisingly hard to find on the streets. Trust me.
|His knee is sparking. Yup.|
Published by Sierra/Vivendi and developed by Genuine Games, Fight Club was released 5 years after the movie. When that happens, you know not to get your hopes up. I can’t imagine it took all that time to polish this turd, so I’m gonna go out on a limb and assume that Vivendi bought the rights for cheap and squeezed this one out as quickly as possible. I’m not even sure if this is based on the movie or the book, since every character in the game looks nothing like the actor who played him. Except Meat Loaf, which I guess is cool. Maybe. I mean hell, the narrator in the story doesn’t even HAVE a name, so they just went and called him “Jack.” This is based on a grossly misunderstood line in the story, though I can’t imagine the developers realized that, or gave enough of a shit to change it when someone told them they were wrong.
|Wait, which one am I?|
The character selection is good, with all the film’s major characters. Also, Meat Loaf. I guess you can also play as a skeleton in the story mode via a cheat code, so there’s that. It’s incredibly disappointing that the likenesses of the actors weren’t handled better, as the ability to beat the piss out of Jared Leto’s perfect face would be quite the satisfying wish fulfillment for a lot of jealous, jealous assholes I know. Also, speaking of wish fulfillment, there’s something I need to let you know about this game. Something terrible. Unspeakably wrong, that will make you feel dirty in the bathing suit area. A 30 ton gorilla with a backwards red baseball cap, if you will.
|I wish this was a joke.|
Motherfucking Fred Durst is in this game. You can unlock him by beating story mode, which takes about 45 minutes.
That’s it. I can’t even talk about this anymore. This game sucks.
Christopher Linendoll will buy anything you want, Corporate America. Advertise to him on Twitter.