Thursday, December 22, 2011

KGB Top 5: Christmasgasms!

I love Christmas. Unlike Rock, I am full of Christmas spirit. One of my favorite parts of Jesus' birthday is watching children open their presents. It transports me back to a time when I was a bright-eyed child, full of wonder and joy. Now I am an empty shell of a man, whom writes about videogames. In this edition of the KGB Top 5, Chris takes a look at the best videos on YouTube of children going apeshit over their new game systems.

5. Sega Genesis kid loses his shit.

Against the backdrop of some very 90s furniture, this child's life is forever changed when he gets his coveted Sega Genesis from Santa. Visions of Toejam and Earl, Sonic, Golden Axe, and blast processing dancing through his head, this kid lets out the most maniacal laughter an 8 year old can produce at 0:56. Check it out, but not late at night. That'll haunt your dreams.

4. Turn on the Waterworks!

Some of us are destined to be manly men. Alpha males, put here on the Earth to spread our seed and dominate the football field. This kid clearly is not. Upon opening his Nintendo Wii, the water works start flowing like he was watching the Notebook for the 26th time. Not that there's anything wrong with that. Ryan Gosling is dreamy.

3. XBox 360 Makes Kid Horny

This video pisses me off so bad. This fat little fucker gets a XBox 360 S, and proceeds to let out the most ear-splitting scream I've ever heard. It's so bad, it clearly pisses the dog off, and you can practically see Fido sizing this porker up, for a swift takedown. The only reason this video is so high on the list is due to the fact that Rico Sauve here humps the box in his bacon-fueled exuberance.

2. Cruelest. Prank. Ever.

Women are terrible. They smell nice, have soft skin, and sometimes touch your bathing suit area. But after they do this for a while, they want to move in with you. Then Christmas comes, and you think you're getting a Nintendo Wii. For a split second, it's all worth it, and you think about going to get the engagement ring she's been whining for. Then you open the box and it's full of textbooks. This is why domestic violence happens.*

* KGB does not endorse violence. Just have a Mario Kart battle. Oh wait, you CAN'T, cuz that Wii box had Pre-Calculus books in it!

1. Nintendo 64 Kid

This is the classic that inspired the list. Chances are, you've seen this before. The sheer amount of joy in this video is overpowering. I can feel my icy heart melting, if only a little, every time I watch this video. When they said "Money can't buy happiness" they obviously didn't know about Nintendo 64.

Christopher Linendoll is ready to nog some eggs. He can be reached via Twitter, or found in the hummus section of your local grocery store.


  1. My girlfriend happens to hate Ryan Gosling

  2. #4- The funny thing is that I'm sure that kid cried again when he realized that the console he'd been lusting after is a pile of horse shit.

    #2- This is why you aren't married, ladies

  3. i've always loved #1's spaz-congo-solo... that and his lustful glances towards the box for the remainder of the video

  4. @Dan - So do I, my friend. Screw these Grinches here at KGB.

    1. haha I hate Christmas. I am Ms. Grinch, perhaps?