Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Fallout: New Vegas- Adventures Through the Western Wasteland Part 1

 After a long time waiting, Rock is finally ready to jump into Fallout: New Vegas. Come along as he gallivants through the desert, cavalier protector of all things good and decent. 

My killers: Twat, Prick, and Assface. Check out the stupid look on Assface! DERP!
Dead. I've been left for dead because some shit heel (in an admittedly sweet suit) shot me in the fucking face and left me in the desert to die. However, thanks to a friendly robot who found me, dug my ass up, and took me to a doctor, I'm all fixed up and ready to get my revenge. You know, eventually...But first, I'm going to do what I do best. That is, I'm going to travel this blasted land helping out those in need. Protecting the little guy. Saving innocents and smiting injustice. If there's a good guy in need or a bad guy deserving of an ass kicking, you can bet I'll be there doing what needs to be done. Like in almost every RPG I play, it's my intention to basically become a Post Apocalyptic Jesus (my next band name).

Ah...what? Something's wrong with Sparky...

So I've found myself in the peaceful little village of Goodsprings. Well, peaceful except for the fact that their water supply is constantly under attack from mutant lizards. Oh, and the part where escaped prisoners who love using explosives are threatening to wreck this town's shit if they don't hand over a guy named Ringo.  You know, the drummer from The Who. Well, Ringo seems like a nice enough guy, so I really can't let the Powder Gangers just come in and murder him. And the people of this town seem like a pleasant lot, so there's no way I'm going to let the gang roll in and blow the innocent townspeople up, either. Naturally, a fight ensues when the Powder Gangers show up, but between myself, Ringo, and town protector Sunny Smiles, the swift sword of justice cuts the brigands down quickly.

Ringo and his band mates. He's on the left.

I've discovered that I'm a courier and that the assface who shot me stole the parcel I was carrying. So I'm headed to the courier headquarters in the nearby town of Primm. However, upon my arrival I discover that the Powder Gangers have taken over the town.  The army of the New California Republic has sent some soldiers, but the pansies are camped outside of town and won't go in. So who's the one that's got to clear the town? This guy! No biggie, though, Powder Gangers are pretty toothless if I stay out of dynamite throwing range. After clearing the town and raiding the nearby prison to rescue the town's desired new sheriff (in a most heroic way), I'm off to the town of Nipton.

Ghost. So called for her resemblance to Patrick Swayze in that movie he was in.

It seems that soldiers from the NCR like to go to Nipton in their off hours and indulge in some, ah, feminine company. Problem is, nobody's heard from Nipton for a few days, and there's smoke rising from that direction. This is a problem, so an NCR sniper named Ghost sends me to check it out. I guess she was busy doing something else... I swear that if white steeds existed in this wasteland, I'd be proudly galloping the shit out of that thing as I gallantly enter the town. Maybe as a sunbeam shining behind me. Anyway, everybody in town is dead. Or crucified while still alive. As it turns out, some jerks from Ceasar's Legion decided that the goings on in Nipton were just too immoral and that these poor folks had to be killed. Once they were done preaching to me about how filthy Nipton was, they went on their merry way back to their home, I assume... Or they would have.  But as we've already established, I'm a good guy, so am I really just going to let these six punks literally get away with murder? No siree! After liberal use of some explosives and a tense firefight, the murderers join the corpses of their victims and I feel confident that I've made the wasteland just a bit safer.

Hey there, friend! You OK?
So ends this week's adventure! Stay tuned as I continue to make my way through the desert, acting as shield and savior to the innocent and scourge to the villainous! I'm sure that a couple of these gangs I've pissed off will have a bone to pick with me...

Rock wonders if he can get Jesus robes in the wasteland. And if they offer sufficient bullet protection...


  1. Aw man I love that Patrick Swayze movie! What was it called again...Footloose?

  2. fuck, i should have bought this