Saturday, December 22, 2012

KGB Classic Nostalgia Dirigible: Classic Christmas Commercials

It's the most wonderful time of the year. Snow is falling, bank accounts are emptying, and you've probably brought a dead tree into your home and covered it in lights. The Christmas season is a whirlwind of nostalgia, and what better way to celebrate that than with a trip on the KGB Nostalgia Dirigible?!

Nintendo 64: Jingle Bells

This commercial comes from a dark time in Nintendo's advertising. The big N tried to get edgy, but still wanted to maintain that family-friendly image they had developed over the past decade. The result was some jaded teens singing about Ninetendo 64 games to the tune of "Jingle Bells". That's about as EXTREME they'd get. It's worth noting that Pat Ronk maintains that the South Park FPS advertised here is a decent game. He is wrong.

Blockbuster 1993: Videogames for the Kids!

I picked this commercial for a few reasons. First off, remember Blockbuster? They were that place that'd rent you movies for outrageous prices, and then charge exorbitant late fees if you didn't bring them back on time. AND YOU BETTER HAVE FUCKING REWOUND THAT VHS! Also, videogames: for the kids! You know, because no self-respecting adult would do something as trivial as play a videogame, right?

Target: NES Commerical with Aretha Franklin?! 

This one comes from the WTF file. I can only assume that Aretha Franklin had no idea her soulful voice would be used to sell NES systems. Or maybe she did, and all she wanted was that fat paycheck. To be honest, I'd never even SEEN a Target store until the early 2000s. I'm surprised they had the clout to afford a legend like Aretha back in the 80s.

Toys "R" Us: 1988 NES

The NES set shown here is a motherfucking badass. Featuring the original Legend of Zelda, RC Pro-Am, Mario, Punch Out, and various other accessories, you were king of the neighborhood if you got this from Santa. I had the core system, with Mario/Duck Hunt. AND I LIKED IT! If your parents were divorced, this is the set your Dad got you, in order to fill that hole in your heart he created when he left for cigarettes and never came back.

Sega Genesis: The 90s Are at Your Door!

This commercial highlights an epidemic that swept through neighborhoods in the early 1990s. As soon as word got out that one kid on the block got a Sega Genesis, it was all over. The kids of the neighborhood would descend upon your house, staying for hours, eating all of your food, and not washing their hands after wiping their ass. Several thousand children died from the "Sega Flu" and it is a dark spot in the history of videogames.

ET: Atari 2600


This final ad is for the ET game for the Atari 2600. Remember that game? It was so legendarily busted, that thousands of unsold copies were allegedly buried in the New Mexico desert? Well, before the world knew better, there was this minute-long ad featuring the actual freakin ET puppet! Can you imagine how much money it cost to make this commercial? Everything about this game was a colossal fuck-up, but at least this 60 second spot is pretty neat to watch. But, make no mistake, NEVER play the game. Ever.

Christopher Linendoll is filled with holiday spirit. He can be reached via Twitter, or found in the hummus section of your local grocery store.


No comments:

Post a Comment